There are so many things constantly happening in our lives and making space to practice can be difficult. Working odd hours as a ski area snowcat operator full time and teaching part time leads to some creative scheduling to say the least.
I had registered for the Oregon State Championship with the goal of earning a place to compete at Nationals. I know that I know every form inside and out but I was so drained leading up to the event. We were able to drive to Portland the day before the event, sleep a few hours, and then it was go time. In Taekwondo time that can mean hurry up and wait and wait and wait.
The young woman I was competing against was very nice and very strong. Due to injury she was pursuing poomsae instead of sparring. We got bounced around from ring to ring and eventually landed in our space. Despite the waiting it all seemed very sudden still and the bit of energy I had stored deep inside me was beginning to wane.
We competed with some slight changes. We both did well, were crisp, confident, and strong. She won and I qualified.
When I watched tape I can see that what to me feels like me giving it my all does not compare with me giving it my all a few months before. I knew that my 100% wasn't going to be the same but it is still hard to watch. I know it was hard for my co-pilot to watch as well; having traveled with me before and seen some of greatest performances, having given up his weekend to make sure I could accomplish my goal of competing and qualifying it must have been so hard not to compare me today to me at the last event. Even though for the week leading up I tried to set the stage in my mind and others, that this would not be my "best" performance because of injury and exhaustion, but all I had to do was qualify. I was only there to qualify. Of course doing my best is a part of that, but sometimes we have to accept that our best today is not the same as our best in the past or perhaps the future.
We have to set goals. Some are overarching and some are for now. I had a realistic goal of qualifying for Nationals and I did that. Every event is a practice in letting go and moving forward with the past acting as a helpful guide, not as a weighted pack. Let the baggage go and learn to be satisfied with today.
I may not have won Gold but I won my place at Nationals. I met the goal. Now, I move onto the next one.
~Master Staup